Than You Will Ever Know
by Kazo Sakamari
Summary: A story about the hardships Reid and Tyler face when Reid goes off to fight the war on terrorism in Iraq and Tyler is left in Boston, having to deal with the stress of being alone. Touches slightly on the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. Slash. Please read it, it's a lot better than it sounds!


So...I'm actually very proud of this. I've been working on this for a while, I could never seem to get the ending right and kept reworking it, but I think this is it. It's finally done.

Reid and Tyler are my favorite couple I think, there's just something about them and their chemistry that makes me smile. I love writing them deeply in love, because in my mind I like to think that's how they are.

Anyway, this is a song fic, based off of Never Shout Never's "I Love You More Than You Will Ever Know" so all credit for the lyrics goes to them.

Reid and Tyler are from the Covenant, which is property of some production agency or something that I don't know...but it's certainly not mine.

It's also a bit AU, in that there's no mention of the power in it, but other than that I've kept everything mostly canon.

* * *

_-oh I know that I am here-_

* * *

Reid groaned as a ray of sunlight peered through the blinds. Pulling himself up out of his cot he shot a nasty look at his neatly folded uniform and instead turned towards the showers, knowing that whatever he did he was going to end up sweaty and uncomfortable in only a few short hours. He hated this godforsaken place, he hated this godforsaken country and he hated all the godforsaken people in it. Steaming hot water poured onto his back and he flinched in surprise.

He had been here six months, which was five months too many in his opinion. There was nothing for them here, they could do no good for these people. All their presence here was doing was getting good men killed.

Reid turned his face up at the water, images of Martinez's body blown in half, the charred remains of his legs sticking out of the humvee. Hale slumped against a crumbling wall, blood pouring from a gaping hole in his neck. Fisher running flat out in front of him, flying sky high as a mine exploded underneath him.

No, they had no place here. They might have once but now there was no point. This whole fucking war was useless now, but that didn't matter, they were here and they were fighting. What they were fighting for Reid had long forgotten, but they were fighting.

He was fighting.

He was here.

Tyler wasn't.

And thank God Tyler wasn't here. He never wanted Tyler to come here, to see what he did all day, every day. He never wanted Tyler to see this place, these people. He was so fucking thankful Tyler was safe.

Of course that didn't mean he didn't miss Tyler, that he didn't ache for Tyler every fucking day, every fucking minute, every fucking second.

"I love you Reid."

If he strained his memory enough he could hear Tyler repeating those words, over and over to him. A trail of soft kisses down his chest, a gentle nip at his neck, Tyler's tongue dancing on his, Tyler's naked body pressing up against his, Tyler pounding into him…

Reid let out a soft moan, lost in the memory.

The building shook as insurgent bombs exploded around the compound. A second later the alarm sounded and flashing red light lit up the dim shower stall.

Glancing down at his naked body and half erect penis Reid groaned.

"Fuck."

* * *

_-and you are there, but we still have our l__ove-_

* * *

Tyler rolled over in bed, reaching blindly for the alarm. He stared at the clock for a long moment, the glowing red numbers the only light in the small windowless room.

6:20am, September 21st.

Marking 189th day Reid had been gone. Not that he had been counting of course.

It had been just a little over six months since Reid had been shipped off, six months since Tyler had been left alone in their apartment. Six months since he last saw Reid, since he last touched Reid, since he last heard Reid's breathy voice whispering soft nothings in his ear.

He grunted as he tripped on the carpet in the dark hallway while making his way to the kitchen. There was day old coffee on the counter and leftover pizza in the fridge.

In other words breakfast.

It wasn't that he couldn't cook, he could. Nowhere near as good as Reid, who surprisingly was a great chef, he just didn't bother. Why should he?

Finishing off a cup of cold coffee Tyler made his way back to the bedroom, his eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness.

Pulling on some jeans from the floor and a hoodie, he grabbed his book bag off the couch where he had watched the news last night.

Watched as the reporters talked about the war and listed the dead and hoped and begged that he wouldn't see Reid's face. Though sometimes he secretly wished he would see Reid's face, just to be reminded that he was still there. That Reid was somewhere and that he hadn't just disappeared, that it all hadn't just been a sick dream, a figment of Tyler's imagination.

* * *

_-we move just like the moon and sun-_

* * *

Tyler's life had fallen into a simple routine, though to Tyler it wasn't really simple at all.

School.

Work.

Television.

Work.

Cheep beer.

Television.

Masturbate.

Pray, beg, plead and cry himself to sleep.

Repeat.

It was like he never stopped seeing Reid, but he was never really there. He would go to his classes, do his homework, but half the time he expected Reid to walk in the door and ruffle his hair and kiss him senseless. Or for Reid to be waiting outside his class with a grocery bag claiming they needed an impromptu picnic.

Caleb and Pogue had tried the first few months, they called him every other day, showed up at the apartment when they visited town, dragged him outside for a game of pick up football.

But after a while the calls became less and less frequent and eventually they stopped coming by, stopped trying to get him out of the apartment because they finally realized that he didn't want to. Couldn't and wouldn't leave the apartment unless he needed to.

Tyler spent all his free time working or watching the news, constantly searching for a glimpse of white blond hair.

He spent all his time waiting, counting down the days until Reid would come back to him, safe, sound and whole.

He didn't need good coffee or a proper breakfast. He could live off of greasy take out Chinese food and tap water. He could manage working full time all night and going to college all day.

What he couldn't manage, what he couldn't live without was Reid.

* * *

_-the sun comes up, the moon rolls down-_

* * *

Reid brushed a bead of sweat from his forehead. The hot desert sun beat down on his neck, his fatigues were damp with sweat and the AK 47 he held in his arms was heavy on more than just his body.

The radio in his back pocket crackled and he pulled it out.

"Garwin here, over."

"We're moving in five, over."

"Yes sir, over and out."

Shifting slightly from his position behind the melted remains of a car frame Reid clicked the safety off on his gun and waited, counting down the seconds.

"Move! Move! Move!"

And he was moving, kicking in the door of the run down house they had surrounded.

Women were screaming. Children were crying. And Reid was moving. Moving, seeing the world through the scope of his AK 47.

"Clear!" He heard Bryant yell from the kitchen.

"Clear!" Kent called from the first bedroom.

Reid shoved his way past a hysterical woman whose face was covered in a dark blue scarf that reminded him of Tyler's eyes and pushed open the door of the second bedroom.

Gunfire sounded and Reid was only vaguely aware of his own finger pulling the trigger. He felt something sting his cheek as he watched the white clothed body of a bearded man hit the floor in front of him.

Rushing past the body, he scanned the rest of the small stuffy room through his scope.

Stepping over the now red stained man on the floor Reid called out "clear!" wiping blood from the bullet graze on his cheek before putting a bullet in the man's forehead.

Just to make sure.

* * *

_-a world apart, but they don't make a sound-_

* * *

"Today there was an attack just outside of Islamabad, a suicide bomber took the lives of five innocent civilians…"

Tyler's fingers closed around Reid's leather necklace. Technically it was Tyler's now, Reid had given it to him for their anniversary two years ago, but it would always be Reid's necklace to Tyler. Reid had made it himself in high school, in art class, the class where he had sat diagonally across from Tyler and they had exchanged fleeting glances and shy smiles over their canvases.

He wanted to squeeze his eyes closed, block out the sound, cry and scream at the television. He wanted to beat the fucking television into a pile of electronic bits with a baseball bat, he wanted to run away from it all, he wanted to pretend that it wasn't real, that none of this was real and that any second Reid was going to walk through the door and laugh at him, asking "why are you watching that crap? Turn on Seinfeld or something Baby Boy."

But Reid didn't walk through the door.

So Tyler didn't close his eyes or cover his ears or run away, instead he sat on the dirty couch in the dark, empty apartment and watched, never daring to look away, afraid that if he did he would miss it, miss him.

Constantly he watched in fear that it would be Reid's picture flashing across the screen next while some pretty reporter talked about what a hero he had been and about what a fucking shame it was that he was dead.

So Tyler just sat and watched.

Watched and waited.

* * *

_-they know their love spins us around-_

* * *

"Baby Boy?" Tyler was sure his heart had stopped. Only one person ever called him that anymore, only one person ever said Baby Boy in that soft breathy voice.

"Reid?" He gasped out, not even sure how he was still standing, still breathing.

"Tyler, oh god Tyler…" Tyler collapsed onto the couch, tears leaking out of his bright blue eyes. Despite the bad connection and the static he could tell by Reid's choked voice that the blond was crying too.

"Reid…Reid…" It was like that was the only word he knew anymore, the only thing he could think, the only thing he could say.

"Baby Boy, oh God…I've miss you so fucking much-" Reid broke off and Tyler could hear voices on the other end of the phone.

"I-I can't talk long…I'm not authorized to call you, but I couldn't-" a wave of static cut off Reid's next words, "-missed you so fucking much. Love you so fucking much Ty."

"I love you too Reid. I love you so much." Tyler's chest heaved as he sobbed. He hadn't heard from Reid in over a month and right now he didn't give a damn that he was sobbing like a fucking girl. This was Reid, Reid was alive, Reid was talking to him.

Reid was alive.

"I just wanted to hear your voice Baby Boy, I just wanted to talk to you." Tyler heard Reid take a deep, shuddering breath, "I love you so much Tyler. I just wanted to let you know that I'm okay. That I'm fine…and I-I'll be home soon, I'll be home in no time at all. And I don't want you to worry about me, I'm taking care of myself."

"Reid wait-" but Reid cut him off hurriedly.

"I have to go Tyler, just remember that I love you. I love you more than anything in this fucking world. I'll be home soon-"

"Reid! No, Reid wait-"

"I love you Tyler, just remember that."

And then the line went dead, and Tyler collapsed in on himself sobbing.

* * *

_-I've been to heaven, I've been to hell-_

* * *

Someone was screaming. Someone was hurt, someone needed help. Reid struggled to get to his feet, someone was hurt.

The world swayed before him and Reid watched with interest as the edges of his vision darkened.

"Garwin! Garwin stay with us!"

"Will somebody shut him up!"

Someone's hand is covering his mouth and Reid realizes that it was him who was screaming. Still is screaming.

He can barely make out Kent's face, which is blurry around the edges, staring down at him.

"Garwin? Reid? Reid, listen to me, you've been shot." Someone is shaking him and suddenly he's moving, but he's not. Pain shoots through his body and he hasn't felt pain like this in a long, long time. Somewhere in the back on his mind, that part that he tried to bury and forget, the part that was before Tyler, enjoys it. He feels sick and the world darkens around him. He wants to go home. He wants to go home to Tyler.

"Garwin, stay with us. You're going to make it, don't you dare die on me, don't you fucking dare die on me…" Kent is speaking to him.

Kent outranks him, he should be listening to him, but he can't bring himself to care anymore. Pain is swallowing him whole and he can't focus, he can't understand anymore.

"…can't die Reid. You've got that boy to go back to. You have to go back home to that boy you're always on about…"

Tyler.

His Tyler, his Baby Boy.

Pain, pure undiluted pain.

Reid feels like laughing but it hurts too much to move. He had always known he was going to hell when he died.

This is hell, he's sure of it.

He is in hell.

Tyler always said he was going to hell too, for being with him, for loving him. Maybe he'll see Tyler in hell.

Reid smiles. Hell would be heaven if Tyler was there with him.

"…stop fucking smiling Garwin…come on…stay with me Reid…"

Kent is still talking but Reid is already gone, Tyler's dark blue eyes are staring down at him, smiling, surrounded by the flickering flames of hell.

He has never been happier he thinks.

* * *

_-I've been to Vegas and god knows where-_

* * *

The water seems to stretch to infinity before him even though Tyler knows that it doesn't. It's winter now and even though there is no snow on the ground there is a chill in the air that sinks into his very bones.

Tyler hates the cold, he hates it more than he hates fake smiles and spray tans. It had never felt this cold before though, he had never felt this cold before.

Not even before Reid, because there was a time before Reid, and it had been cold then too, but not this cold. Never this cold.

Tyler shivered and pulled at his sweater as the ocean churned and sprayed around him.

It was Christmas today.

He had never spent Christmas without his family, even when he and Reid were together they parted ways for Christmas dinner.

But this year…he just couldn't. He couldn't sit there and plaster a smile on his face when he knew that Reid was thousands of miles away from him, constantly in danger, constantly putting his life at risk.

He just couldn't sit there surrounded by people who didn't know, who didn't understand what this war was doing to people. To Reid, to him.

And so he had left, grabbed his sweater and car keys and just drove.

And drove and drove and drove, until he ended up…here.

Wherever here was.

Reid had left him a letter and a wrapped present that he had instructed Tyler not to open until Christmas Day, in case he wasn't home, in case he couldn't call.

Tyler took a few steps closer to the frosty cliff that overlooked the water and wondered where Reid was right now, the small newspaper wrapped box clutched in his hand, his knuckles white.

Obviously Reid wasn't home, apparently he couldn't call either.

Sinking to the ground Tyler sat cross legged on the frost covered grass ignoring the cold seeping through his legs and fingered the box, shaking it gently just like a little kid trying to find out what was inside.

It wasn't small, but it certainly wasn't big or even medium sized. And he could tell that Reid had wrapped it from the excess use of tape and patched up corners. There was no fancy ribbon, no extravagant paper, just the old comics section wrapped around a smallish box.

He gave up on trying to open it neatly after a moment, there was too much tape for that.

Ripping the paper off Tyler opened up the box and gasped.

Sitting there oh so innocently was a battered and worn looking book, the title written in fading gold script, _Wuthering Heights_.

Scrambling to open Reid's letter Tyler's eyes flew over the spiky handwriting, sure that his heart was racing at twice its normal rate.

_Dear Tyler, _

_I wasn't sure what to get you Baby Boy, you always say the you never want anything. But I know you love this book, not nearly as much as you love me though, or so I hope! But I know that you love this book, so I thought I'd make it a little more special for you. And yeah, I know that this doesn't make up for me not being there with you, but hopefully it will help a bit._

_I love you to infinity and beyond Tyler, and even though I've never bothered to actually read Wuthering Heights in tenth grade, I do know that it's a love story. But trust me, this may be a great love story, but it's also fiction._

_You and me Baby Boy, we're the real thing._

_Merry Christmas Tyler,_

_I love you._

_Reid_

And as Tyler stood on shaky legs, staring at the first edition of _Wuthering Heights_ that Reid had bought him, and it must have cost him a fortune even if it wasn't in the best of shape, he felt a great deal warmer than he had felt all winter.

Sitting his car with the heater on full blast, curled up in the back seat carefully flipping through _Wuthering Heights_ in the middle of wherever the hell he had ended up driving Tyler felt content, he felt happy, he felt whole.

Just for a moment, because Reid loved him, Reid knew him, and Reid understood him like no one else. And Reid fucking Garwin loved him, of all people, Reid loved him.

That was all that mattered.

* * *

_-but nothing feels like home like you babe-_

* * *

Reid stared at his hands. They were shaking. He couldn't understand it, he had lived through enemy gunfire, bombs, getting shot, seeing his friends get shot, and not once, not a single time had his hands ever shook.

And now, they had just decided to start up.

Reid didn't understand it.

Because honestly, what did he have to be nervous about? He was home, the plane had just landed, in a few minutes he was going to be seeing Tyler. Why would he be nervous about that?

Dropping his head into his shaking hands Reid sucked in air, trying to calm his racing mind.

Tyler.

Oh god…Tyler.

Baby Boy.

"…we would like to thank all of you for flying with us today and we wish you have safe travels to wherever your final destination is…"

Reid was sure that he was going to start hyperventilating as he grabbed his gunny sack from the over head bin and slowly filled out of the plane.

For some reason the walk from the plane to the terminal seemed so much longer than it ever had before, like it was miles away instead of just a few feet.

His hands were still shaking Reid noted as he stepped through the door and into the chaos of the terminal.

There were crying wives and cheering children everywhere, banners, signs, flowers and suitcases.

Reid scanned the waiting area, searching for a head of dark brown curls and blue eyes.

"Reid-" Spinning around so fast he nearly toppled over, Reid turned to see Tyler standing by the windows, staring at him with a mixed expression of disbelief and wonder.

"Tyler."

Suddenly it's as if nothing else in the world matters.

Reid doesn't even notice his legs moving as he closes the distance between them. There are no hugs, no public make out sessions, no tight desperate embraces, they just stare at each other, drinking one another in.

After what seems like seconds and hours all mixed together Tyler reaches out tentatively and touches Reid face. As if to make sure he really is there, real and tangible, standing in front of him.

And it's like everything falls into place, like their world is suddenly whole again. Like they are suddenly whole again.

And nothing else matters, not a single thing other than the fact that they are together again.

They are standing there, in the middle of all the chaos of the airport terminal, foreheads pressed together, just breathing in the scent of each other.

Reid lets out a unsteady laugh and tells Tyler with a smile, "my hands stopped shaking."

Tyler smiles back, not quite understanding but not really caring because Reid is standing in front of him. Reid is here, he is safe, he is alive.

"Come on, let's go home."

And Reid's hand finds Tyler's as they walk out of the terminal and their fingers lace together and Reid finally feels complete. He feels at peace, he knows that he's finally, _finally_ home.

* * *

_-I love you more than you will ever know-_

* * *

Tyler pulls away from Reid as he steps into their apartment, because suddenly it's _their_ apartment now that Reid is home, not _the_ apartment like it was when Tyler was all alone.

For some stupid reason Tyler had cleaned the place before going to pick Reid up at the airport. That was a mistake he realizes now.

The apartment had always been shabby looking, it had been on the lower end of their price range, and since neither one of them was exactly rolling in cash they had taken what they could get.

It's a small place, rather dark and dingy with few windows and only one cramped bathroom.

Tyler retreats to the now spotless kitchen as Reid walks slowly through the joined living room/kitchen/dining room and down the hallway to the bedroom.

Even though it's been ages since they moved into the place it has a rather unlived feel to it. The place feels dead, as though there hasn't been a man living in it for the past few months and Tyler knows from Reid's silence that he knows exactly how Tyler has been living.

"Tyler-"

"Don't Reid." Tyler brushes past the blond and collapses onto the worn and dirty sofa where he spent countless nights falling asleep in front of the television watching the news. He's tired, he's tired of everything. Reid is back and he doesn't want to argue over this. Because they argue over the same thing, every time.

"You've been worrying about me." Suddenly Reid is standing in front of him, icy blue eyes piercing his, and Tyler knows that Reid knows everything.

"How can I not?" He doesn't look up because he knows what he will find, Reid's pale accusing blue eyes and thin lipped frown. He stares at his hands, the picture-less walls, the empty looking living room that has no personal touches what so ever, anything but Reid.

"I hate it when you worry about me." Reid says, but the words lack the usual bite and before Tyler can open his mouth to retort Reid is straddling him on the sofa and his lips are on his neck, trailing soft kisses to his ear.

"You don't have to worry about me Baby Boy…" Reid whispers, his breath tickling Tyler's ear. "I'm not going to die out there as long as I have you to come back home to…"

Nothing else is said on the subject because they both know that whatever happens Tyler is going to worry his ass off when Reid leaves, and there is nothing either one of them can do about it.

Still, the next day Reid comes home with a framed picture of the two of them from spring break senior year and hangs it on the wall.

Tyler purses his lips at the gesture but doesn't say anything, because suddenly the apartment feels a little warmer. A little more alive, more like theirs.

Reid smirks when Tyler lets him hang up the picture and wraps his arms around the brunette.

"God I love you Tyler," he whispers pulling Tyler closer to him and hugging him tightly.

* * *

_-oh I've got my car and my guitar-_

* * *

Kate, Pogue's girlfriend wanted to throw Reid a welcome home party. It made Tyler smile, because Reid, who was all for stealing other people's spotlights truly didn't like being the only one in the spotlight. He loved parties when there was punch, beer, loud music and dirty dancing and groping in dark corners, as long as they weren't for him, as long as they weren't centered around him.

As long as the attention was focused on everyone else and not him then it was fine.

And it was a little funny Tyler thought, as he watched Reid wander awkwardly through the sea of people in Pogue and Kate's apartment trying desperately to look unapproachable when all people wanted to do was chat with him.

Finally, after brushing off a few old friends from high school Reid made his way to Tyler, who was lounging by the punch bowl watching the whole ordeal with a small smirk.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"That." Reid gestured vaguely at Tyler's laughing face with a scowl. Tyler chuckled and handed Reid a paper cup of punch which the blond downed as if it was water and he was stranded in a desert. It was obvious that Reid was uncomfortable with everything, and Tyler, if he was being honest with himself and ignoring the pleasure he got out of seeing Reid squirm, was slightly uncomfortable with it all too.

Pogue and Kate's high end apartment was filled with balloons and colorful banners that all looked a little cheap and cheesy, all welcoming Reid home in bright colorful letters, and of course Tyler couldn't ignore the overwhelming number of people Kate had managed to stuff into the place. He somewhat recognized some people from school and work and so on…but others he swore he had never seen before in his life.

Reid grimaced as a young couple made their way toward him and quickly grabbed Tyler pulling him away toward the laundry room.

"Tyler…"

"You want to leave don't you?" Reid peered around the corner of laundry room to check that Kate wasn't stalking them and let out a shaky breath.

"God yes."

"It's your own party Reid…"

Reid spun back around to face Tyler, his pale eyes pleading.

"Fine." Tyler pulled out his car keys and gave Reid a long look, appraising his unusually pale face, clammy hands and nervous flickering eyes. "Are you sure you're okay Reid?"

Reid didn't answer for a long moment.

"Just get me out of here Baby Boy."

They managed to make their way to the door without Kate cornering them and Tyler ignored the way Reid clutched his hand a little tighter than normal in the elevator.

By the time they finally make it to Tyler's hummer Reid is oddly quiet and shaking slightly.

"Reid-" But the blond pretends not to hear him over the sound of The Beatles that is blasting from the stereo.

"Reid…" Finally Reid turns to look at him and it only takes a second before Tyler is pulling the blond into a tight embrace.

"I-I just freaked Ty…there were all these people I didn't know, that I didn't remember and all they wanted to know was what it was like over there, and how proud there were-"

Tyler cuts him off by kissing him fiercely and after a moment Reid responds pouring all his emotions into that kiss. When they pull away they are both slightly out of breath and Reid melts into Tyler, closing his eyes listening to the soothing sound of John Lennon's guitar.

"Tyler-" But Tyler shakes his head, because he already knows what Reid is going to say.

"It doesn't matter Reid, none of it matters. You've got me, and I've got you."

And all we need is each other went unsaid.

* * *

_-a couple pills, a couple scars-_

* * *

Reid hovered at the edge of the mattress, pale eyes darting around the room.

Tyler sighed softly, "Reid…"

Ice blue eyes snapped to dark blue and Reid seemed to visibly deflate, knowing he had lost whatever silent battle he had been waging inside his head.

Still, he moved slowly and deliberately as he crawled under the blankets piled upon the bed, careful to keep some space between his body and Tyler's.

Watching each movement critically Tyler allowed Reid to settle himself before moving closer to him.

Cautiously his fingers brushed Reid's icy skin tracing the stark black lines of Reid's tattoos.

Neither one of them spoke, the only sound in the room was their shallow breathing and the rustle of the sheets.

Tyler's watched in fascination as his pale fingers traced each scar, each tattoo, and each little nick on Reid body.

He ignored the way Reid shivered as he ran his fingers over the jagged line on Reid chest, remnants of a knife fight he had been in during high school. The thick ripple on the inside of his wrist, a reminder of those dark days when he was a troubled teenager. The elegant black script that wrapped around his bicep that stated his dead father's name. The small round burn scars that Reid had gotten from the car accident he had been in three years ago. The dark rectangle on his forearm that he had gotten after his parents threw him out.

Tyler paused at a new scar, a circle of raised pink skin on Reid's torso, whose story he didn't know.

"From when I got shot." Reid's breathy voice is hoarse, and Tyler looks up to meet his eyes, seeing in them the pain and memories that Reid couldn't yet say out loud.

"W-we were making a bust…and everyone was clear except Garret. Fredericks and I went back in to get him, but they were waiting for us. Garret was screaming that it was a trap and to turn back…" Reid trailed off sucking in a shaky breath. "They caught us by surprise, there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. T-the bullet went straight through, but I lost a lot of blood…Kent got me out though, he saved my life Ty."

Tyler nodded, no longer able to tear his gaze from Reid's face, his fingers ran over the small circular scar, and Tyler blinked away the tears in his own eyes.

Leaning down Tyler kissed the scar softly, before curling up to Reid and kissing him softly too.

After a second Reid's arms wrapped around Tyler and he drifted off to sleep listening to Tyler's whispers of "I love you…I love you…"

* * *

_-but I made a wish on a lonesome star-_

* * *

Tyler is sitting on the hood of his hummer staring up at the night sky, trying to remember the time difference between Boston and Baghdad.

He loves Boston, he really does. It's a great city and he loves the energy and the old fashioned houses and buildings mixed in with the new. But he hates that he can't see the stars.

Back in Ipswich he could see the stars. Sometimes late at night, he and Reid would sneak out and drive to the dells or to the old Putnam Barn and sit on the hood of his hummer smoking pot or drinking warm beer, just like he was doing now, and stare up at stars.

Neither of them knew any real constellations other than the obvious ones so they would make up their own.

Reid would laugh, slightly drunk, and point up at the stars saying, "look Ty, that's Poseidon fucking a seahorse. Can't you see it?"

Reid's gone again, they shipped him back off to Iraq and he's gone again.

And Tyler's alone again and he hates it.

He needs Reid, just like Reid needs him. Without each other they are nothing, Tyler is nothing.

He's just Tyler now, not ReidandTyler. Or TylerandReid, or SimmsandGarwin. Just Tyler, all alone in Boston.

The apartment feels empty again, without Reid's presence to light it up, and Tyler finds himself falling back into that old routine of waiting, waiting, waiting for Reid to come back.

He stares up at the few stars that he can see and begs whatever God is out there to bring Reid back to him.

* * *

_-star oh star, you shine so bright-_

* * *

"Faster you goddamn bastards!" Kent is screaming and Reid is sprinting through the empty streets chasing their target. The sticky night air is heavy around him and his breathing is short and fast. They had thought that a surprise night attack would be better, quicker, cleaner. They were wrong, apparently.

The motherfucker knew the streets better than they did and he was leading them on a wild goose chase through downtown Baghdad.

Reid catches a glimpse of the man turning a corner up ahead and forces his legs to pump faster, he doesn't think he's ever run this fast in his entire life and that's saying something seeing as he did a lot of frantic running away as a kid.

The alleyway he sprints into is a dead end and the man is trying to climb over a pile of boxes when Reid guns him down.

"I've…got him." He pants into his radio, hands on his knees sucking in air as fast as he can.

Kent appears a few seconds behind him, just as out of breath as Reid. But he doesn't stop to catch his, instead going straight to the body to check that the man's really dead.

"Sir?" Reid gasps out.

"Dead…good work Garwin." Reid sinks to the ground, letting his head hit the stone wall behind him as he tries to slow his racing pulse.

"Thank you sir." He manages to force out.

The stars are barely visible through the dust of the city but Reid can make out a few twinkling lights here and there. His mind flashes back to Tyler, they're fifteen and drunk off their ass.

"That one's Orion's belt…I think…no wait…that one is…no wait…fuck, no wonder I failed Astronomy…" Tyler giggles as he drunkenly points at the night sky before giving up completely at identifying Orion's belt and curling up next to Reid smelling strongly of vodka and marijuana.

Reid peers up at the stars wondering if he could see Orion's belt from here if it wasn't so damn dirty.

* * *

_-won't you grant me one small wish tonight?-_

* * *

Tyler is sitting at the bar where Pogue and Caleb have dragged him, staring into a glass of whiskey wondering how drunk he would have to get to forget that Reid is gone.

Pretty damn drunk he figures as the television in the corner flashes to a scene of a few dusty soldiers driving by in humvees.

The music is pounding in Tyler's head and he realizes with surprise that he's already fairly drunk. Pushing away from the bar he stumbles to the back door, hoping that the world will stop spinning for just a second so he can work the handle.

Finally making it outside he shivers as the cold air washes over him, sobering him up a little, he doesn't know how long he's standing there, but eventually Pogue shows up with his coat, draping it around his shoulders.

"Watcha ya doing Ty?" Pogue slurs, swaying dangerously for a second before catching himself.

"Waiting."

"For what?" Caleb asks, and Tyler squints at his friend wondering when Caleb had showed up.

"For a shoating…no. Shoting." Tyler frowns for a second, thinking hard. "Shooting star."

Caleb, who is still surprisingly sober, raises his eyebrows questioningly.

"And why are you waiting for a shooting star Tyler?" Even drunk Tyler can detect the condescending tone Caleb's using, as if he thinks Tyler is eight or something.

"Cus I wanna make a wish stupid." Tyler snaps staring back toward the sky, determined to wait until he sees a shooting star so he can wish Reid back safe and sound to him.

* * *

_-that I won't die on this destructive path of mine-_

* * *

"Toss me that rope Garwin."

Reid dug inside the humvee and pulled out a coil of rope, handing it to Kent.

"Alright. Garwin, McMillan, come help me hoist him up here." Nodding Reid grabbed an arm while McMillan grabbed the legs and together with Kent they managed to hoist Brian on top of the humvee. Kent tossed Reid one end of the rope and they began strapping him down to the roof.

"Think that'll hold sir?"

Kent grunted, giving one last pull on the rope and nodded.

"As long as we don't get blown to pieces on the way back he should be fine." There's a ghost of a smile on Kent's face and Reid lets out a dry chuckle at the joke, even though it's not really funny and now isn't really the time for jokes.

Limping back to the humvee Reid ignores the disgusted look McMillan sends him and they drive off, careful to take the corners slowly just in case the ropes slip.

Fredericks is sitting across from him with tears streaming down his dirt covered face and McMillan is driving. Kent is up front and so far no one has said a word. As a matter of fact no one in the humvee is making any noise at all other then Fredericks' snuffling.

Reid shivers even though it must be at least a hundred degrees outside and the heat is stifling in the packed air condition less car.

Fredericks lets out a loud sob and McMillan snaps, jerking the steering wheel and spinning around to face him.

"Shut your fucking face Fredericks! If you want to cry go home to your goddamn mother!"

Kent grabs the steering wheel just in time to stop the humvee from flying off the road and gives McMillan a look, but doesn't say anything.

Fredericks, for his part has managed to stem his tears and Reid, though he feels bad for the guy is grateful. He's not all that good with crying people, whether its girls or guys, truthfully he's not all that good with emotions at all. That's Tyler's job.

They do managed to make it back to the base without incident, meaning no car bombs or gunfire, still the car ride is filled with a different kind of tension.

Reid is helping Kent cut the ropes, and when he saws through the last one he hands Brian's body to Fredericks, who is crying again.

Reid doesn't blame him though, he's just seen his best friend get shot, he's just seen his best friend die, he's just watched as they strapped his best friend's corpse to the roof of the humvee like an animal.

As he watches Fredericks sob openly, clutching Brian's bloody head to his chest Reid feels slightly sick. He's seen enough blood and guts out here to know that's not the reason and as he turns to leave, eager to get as far away from Brian's body and Fredericks' sobbing as he can, Reid crosses himself, even though he's not the religious type and makes a silent plea that he won't end up like Brian. That Tyler won't end up like Fredericks.

* * *

_-I've been to heaven I've been to hell-_

* * *

Tyler closes the door to the apartment quietly, it's dark inside, which means that Reid is probably sleeping, or at least lying in bed staring at the ceiling in the dark.

Which Reid does a lot of nowadays.

Dropping his school books on the kitchen table Tyler makes his way to the bathroom in the dark, not bothering with the lights in case Reid is actually asleep, because while Reid spends a lot of time in bed he doesn't get all that much sleep.

He turns the shower on and is just beginning to strip down when he hears something coming from the bedroom.

When he opens the door he sees Reid, lying half naked in their bed, tangled in the large quantity of blankets he insists on burying himself under. There is a thin sheen of sweat on his skin and he is murmuring in his sleep, tossing and turning, face contorted into an expression of plain, unconcealed fear.

Tyler just stops and stares, because Reid has never looked like this before, ever. And for once Tyler doesn't know what to do.

But then Reid cries out, a strangled helpless sound that makes Tyler's heart clench and suddenly he's straddling Reid, shaking him roughly.

Reid doesn't wake up though and so Tyler shakes harder and harder, repeating his name over and over, finally backhanding Reid across the face in desperation.

Ice blue eyes flicker open, darting around the room frantically and Reid throws Tyler off him.

"Reid!" Tyler yells as Reid struggles against him, clawing at him in the darkness, eyes wide and unseeing.

"Reid! It's me! It's Tyler! You're home Reid! You're safe!" After a few minutes Reid calms, curling into a small ball, shaking.

"Tyler…'m sorry…" His voice is broken and unsteady and Tyler can't bear to hear him sound like that, so he kisses him to shut him up and wraps his entire body around Reid, pulling his as close to himself as he can.

"It's okay Reid…you're here now. You're home now…it's okay…"

He just keeps whispering these soft words into Reid's ear until the blond finally stops shaking.

Then, remembering the shower is still running, he gently pulls Reid into the bathroom and they melt together under the hot water. Two naked bodies pressed together with the slick steaming water running over them as Tyler tries to make Reid forget what he needs to forget and remember what he needs to remember.

* * *

_-I've been to Vegas and god knows where-_

* * *

"So you're Tyler."

It's more of a statement than a question, and Tyler looks up from his drink into an unfamiliar face. He opens his mouth to ask how the fuck this guy knows him, but then realizes that that would be impolite and closes his mouth again.

The man smirks slightly.

"Garwin, that little prick, hasn't left your side all night. It's pretty simple to piece it all together."

Tyler feels his face flush and glances around the room, searching for Reid who had disappeared to the bathroom.

"I'm Evan McMillan, I served with Reid in Iraq." Suddenly it all clicks as Tyler remembers Reid telling him stories about Iraq.

"Oh…" He can't think of anything else to say, and looks around the room again hoping Reid would hurry back. Reid had always been the social one, he could make friends with people in an instant, he could fuck things up in an instant too, but he was good with people, Tyler was…not. Tyler was good with books and numbers and Reid, but anything other than that and he was an awkward shy tag along.

"I have to admit, you're not what I expected. But Garwin's full of surprises isn't he?"

Evan cocks his head and gives Tyler a once over, eyes locking onto Tyler's he smiles.

"He talked about you a lot, to be honest I got pretty sick of it by the end. You're a lucky guy though, to have a 'friend' like Reid."

There's something about the way he says it that makes Tyler's skin prickle, he realizes that it's the same feeling he gets right before a fight and Tyler suddenly finds his voice.

"Yeah I am."

Evan nods, satisfied and takes a sip of his beer.

"So what do you do Tyler?"

Tyler is saved from answering by Reid, who has returned from the bathroom and throws his arm around his shoulders, fixing Evan with a piercing stare.

"McMillan."

"Garwin."

"Fancy seeing you here."

"Funny coincidence isn't it?"

"I see you've meet Tyler already."

"Yes, pleasant surprise, since I've already heard _so_ much about him." Reid narrows his eyes for the briefest of moments and pulls Tyler a little bit closer to him.

"Evan…" Reid's voice is a low growl, but Evan doesn't seem worried, though Tyler knows from experience with Reid that he should be.

"Lay off Garwin, I'll keep my mouth shut. Kent doesn't need to know who you fuck or who fucks you, though _he_ doesn't seem like one who's on top." Evan jerks his head in Tyler's direction.

And suddenly Reid is on top of Evan, who is on the floor, getting his face pummeled into mince meat.

A small smile crosses Tyler's face, because he may not be good with people, or being social at all, but he's good with Reid, and this he can deal with.

"Reid." It takes a special tone of voice, harsh but with a bit of authority to make Reid stop. And Reid does stop, he stops and looks up at Tyler sharply.

"Ty…"

"Oh just let him up Reid, I can defend my own damn honor, besides, I actually like this place, I don't want you to get us thrown out."

Reid just shrugs and gets off Evan, leaving Tyler to pull the bloodied man to his feet.

"Yeah, so Evan was it? I don't know you or anything, but you seem like an asshole. So I have no problem with doing this."

And with that Tyler wound back and punched Evan right in the nose, smiling grimly as he felt the bone give. Shaking out his fist Tyler smiled and leaned down.

"Oh, and just to let you know. I do top, and I'm fucking amazing in bed, so suck it bitch."

Reid laughed and grabbed Tyler, kissing him passionately.

"I see I trained you well."

"That you did Garwin."

* * *

_-but nothing feels like home like you babe-_

* * *

Tyler groaned as his alarm clock beeped insistently before Reid ripped the cord out of the wall and threw the damn thing across the room.

"Tyler…"

"Hmm…" Tyler answers, face still pressed into his pillow, not willing to move from this comfortable position in their bed.

"You set your alarm."

"Mhmm…"

"It's Saturday…you don't have classes today…" Grunting Tyler rolled over so he is facing Reid, who he thinks look far too good, and far too awake, for six in the morning.

"I know…'m sorry…go back to sleep Reid…"

"Tyler…" Reid whined, annoyed at being woken up and that Tyler is ignore him, but Tyler was already drifting away into dreamland again.

Staring at Tyler's messy heap of dark brown curls Reid sighed, wrapping his arms around Tyler and tucking the brunette's head under his chin.

Breathing in Tyler's scent he smiles, just enjoying the feeling of having Tyler in his arms, of knowing that Tyler is here, safe and sound and that he's not going anywhere.

Slowly he drifts off to sleep, only to wake many hours later to Tyler gazing at him through glossy, sleep clouded blue eyes.

"Baby Boy…?"

"Yes Reid?"

Reid mutters something unintelligible into Tyler's chest and the brunette pulls back a little, dark blue eyes smiling.

"I think I broke your alarm clock Ty."

For a second Tyler doesn't say anything, just glances over to the other side of the room where he sees the remains of his alarm clock in pieces near the bathroom.

Then, he can't really help it, but laughter bubbles up in his chest and he can't stop it, he just feels so damn happy. And Reid is laughing too, rolling around in the bed laughing so much tears are flowing from his eyes.

Eventually they stop and Tyler props himself up on his elbows to get a better look at Reid.

"So…"

"So…?"

"So…what do you want to do today?"

Blinking his ice blue eyes open Reid rolls over and runs a hand through Tyler's hair smiling softly.

"Why do we have to do anything?"

* * *

_-I love you more than you will ever know-_

* * *

Tyler fidgets uncomfortably as they drive down the road and Reid frowns. It's obvious that he's trying not to say anything though Tyler can tell that he's just itching to snap at him.

Instead Reid just sighs loudly and turns the radio up, focusing hard on the street he's driving along instead of Tyler's nervous tapping hands.

As Reid turns into the driveway of a plain suburban house Tyler pales and makes a strangled movement as if he was going to jump out of the hummer and Reid slams his foot on the breaks and they lurch to a stop.

Reid is staring at Tyler with a thin lipped frown, the muscles in his jaw are twitching slightly and Tyler can almost see the gears turning inside Reid's head.

"Tyler…" He growls but Tyler doesn't meet his eyes, instead staring out at the bland house that their sitting outside of with poorly disguised fear, knowing that the rest of Reid's squadron is sitting inside that ugly house waiting to meet him, and god he does _not_ want to meet them.

"Tyler!" Reid snarls again, jerking Tyler around so that he's facing him and grabs his chin tightly.

"What…?" Grimacing, Tyler tries to tear himself from Reid's grasp but fails when Reid tightens his grip.

"What the fuck is going on?!"

"Nothing!"

Reid grabs Tyler by his shirt and yanks him closer, staring straight into his eyes, whispering "bullshit."

"Reid…really. It's nothing."

"No, it's not Tyler. You're not telling me something…" The anger has faded from Reid's voice and now he sounds hurt, worried, and Tyler sighs.

"No…it's stupid. I just…we've been together for ages Reid, it's almost like-like we've always been together, we've done everything together…" He trailed off, but Reid picked up where he left off.

"You were afraid, that because I went off to war and fought with these guys that somehow I'd…"

"Replaced me…made new friends that are better than me, you've experienced thing with these men that you've never experienced with me and I just…"

They sat in silence for a few moments before Reid leans over, grasping Tyler's shoulders tightly, ice blue eyes staring intensely at him.

"Reid…"

"Tyler…I've been through a lot with these men, I've seen them shot at, I've seen them die, some of them have even saved my life. They are my friends, and I trust them with my life…but they are not you."

Tyler fights the urge to squirm under Reid's gaze and instead just tries to find comfort in Reid's words.

"You, Tyler Simms, are my best friend, my whole world. You are my everything and you can never be replaced. There is nothing in this entire fucking universe that I love more than you Tyler."

Reid hasn't released him yet and Tyler realizes that he is waiting for something, an answer maybe.

"Okay…" Tyler whispers, and then because he can't think of anything else to say he grabs Reid and kisses him with a desperate need.

Reid pulls back after a moment and laughs, a sound that makes Tyler's heart melt, and kisses Tyler again.

"They're going to love you Baby Boy, stop worrying about it."

* * *

_-then you will know-_

* * *

"Where the fuck are we going Reid?"

"It's a surprise, so shut up and stop asking questions."

"You know I hate surprises don't you?"

"No. You love them, you just try to pretend you hate them."

Tyler paused, that was true, but still.

"Can you at least untie me?"

Reid remained silent and Tyler growled.

"Reid Garwin, untie me right now!"

"God…you're so bossy. Fine, let me pull over."

Tyler let out a grateful sigh when felt the car change directions and start to stop. He heard the sound of Reid's switch blade flipping open and then suddenly his hands were free.

"The blindfold?" He questioned and Reid grumbled, fiddling with the piece of black fabric that was covering Tyler's eyes.

"Honestly, I try to do something fucking romantic and you get all bitchy."

Tyler, now able to see and move all his limbs shoots Reid a glare.

"Kidnapping me from class and throwing me in the back of my own damn car is not romantic Reid. What the hell did you do? Call up your own personal swat team?"

Tyler snapped, massaging his wrists from where the snap ties had been, one look at Reid's face told him that was exactly what Reid had done.

"What was I supposed to do? So I know a few Navy SEAL's who were happy to help me out, is that a fucking crime?"

"Oh my God…I was kidnapped by Navy SEAL's…" Tyler moaned, noticed that while his hands were no longer tied together he was still handcuffed to the car door.

Ignoring Tyler's whining Reid pulled back onto the highway.

"I thought, because you know…I've been gone a while and I've missed a lot of stuff, that we could take a little vacation, you know? And I wanted to surprise you-"

"So you called up your SWAT team buddies and had me tied up?!"

Angrily Tyler yanks at the handcuffs, before realizing that these are not cheap dollar store cuffs but the real thing and no amount of pulling on his part is going to get him out of them.

"Well…yeah…"

"That's a brilliant fucking plan Reid. Real fucking romantic!"

Reid, who had never been good with emotions, his own or anyone else's, nearly crashes the hummer as he spins around to face Tyler.

"Damn it Tyler! I didn't mean-I just wanted to-Fuck!" Reid curses as cars honk around him.

But the anger Tyler felt at Reid is already melting away, he had never been able to stay made at Reid for long, and the blond had only been trying to do something nice for him. It was sweet in a way, Reid had wanted to 'kidnap' him and whisk him away on a vacation. It wasn't his fault that he knew people who did professional kidnapping, and who were maybe a little _too_ good at their jobs.

Tyler sighs and grabs Reid's gloved hand, rubbing small circles on the back with his thumb to let Reid know that he's not mad, or at least not as mad anymore.

"So where are we going?"

Glancing over at him Reid gave a shy smile, a rare smile for Reid Garwin, who was normally so damn cocky that it shouldn't have been humanly possible.

"I rented this beach house in the Hampton's…real fancy place, stocked with food and beer, and it's right on the beach too!"

Tyler faltered, Reid looked so happy about this, so excited and the last of the anger Tyler felt evaporated and he smiled.

"I love the beach…"

Reid gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"I know you do Baby Boy."

* * *

_-dear, I love you more than you will ever know-_

* * *

Tyler twirled the ring around his finger, staring at it, studying it.

"Do you like it…?" Reid asked tentatively.

Tyler didn't answer right away. He loved the ring, it was perfect, perfect for him. Not to fancy, not to plain, just a simple silver band with their names and the infinity symbol engraved on the inside.

"I love it…" He whispered, still not taking his eyes off the ring. Reid must have gotten it custom made though Tyler had no idea where he could have gotten the money for that, but right now he didn't care.

"Wrong finger Baby Boy." Reid muttered, taking Tyler's hand in his and slipping the ring off his middle finger and onto his ring finger.

Breath hitching in his throat Tyler looked up into Reid's pale blue eyes.

"Reid…"

But Reid shook his head, interlacing his fingers with Tyler's and placing a chaste kiss on Tyler's lips.

"I know that we can't actually…you know…officially," Reid made a vague gesture with his other hand, "at least not in this state, but I wanted you to have it anyways…"

"Reid…this isn't just something you can rush into." Tyler whispers gently, watching as Reid pulls back slightly.

"I know that Tyler…I just, I-I love you. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if you'll let me…"

"Of course I'll let you Reid, there's nothing more that I want than to be with you."

They share a smile before Reid speaks again.

"You mean the world to me Tyler," he gave a dry laugh, "you are my world Tyler, without you I'd be…fuck, I'd be nothing. I'm not rushing into this, we aren't rushing into this."

Tyler fingers the ring again gently, watching carefully as Reid pulls his finger-less gloves off, revealing an identical silver band on his finger.

A stupid happy smile finds its way onto Tyler's face and he can't seem to make it go away. Gently tugging Reid's ring from his finger Tyler peers at it, realized that it's an exact replica of his own. Reid is smiling now too, a fond, loving smile that he reserves only for Tyler.

He pulls the brunette into his arms and kisses his forehead softly.

"I love you Tyler, more than you will ever know."

Tyler laughed, a musical sound that made Reid's heart stop whenever he heard it.

"Trust me Garwin, I know. Now get out of here and go kill some fucking terrorists so you can end this damned war and come back home to me."

Reid's eyes sparkle and he laughs quietly, before capturing Tyler's lips with his own, one last time before getting out of the car.

Grabbing his gunny sack from the back seat Reid leans through the car window, staring into Tyler's eyes and giving him that special smile.

"Remember Tyler, I love you, more than you will ever know." He calls out as he walks away into the airport terminal.

* * *

So...I'm not a solider, and I've never gone to war or anything, but a lot of my friends and family have and so this story means a lot to me.

Those people go through so much, and often get nothing for it. I didn't exactly research this much, so not all of the facts and stuff are right, and I'm sure there's a lot technically wrong with this story, but it's the thought that counts right?

Please..._please_ review, I really want to know what other people think of this and the issue of gay rights concerning the military. It's very important to me and to a lot of other people in the world.


End file.
